Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | RSS
Confusion is a choice.
In this episode you’ll learn:
- Understand why you struggle with confusion and indecision
- How indecision stunts your growth
- Learn how to manage your mind around decision-making
- A simple process to get yourself out of confusion and into decision-making
Often the longer we sit in our dirty diaper of indecision, the harder it is to make the decision.
Follow @jillGriffinOfficial on Instagram daily inspiration.
Tune into The Refresh Your Career Podcast Available on all streaming apps. https://jillgriffin.buzzsprout.com/
| Read the transcript |
| Hey folks, I am so glad you are here Thank you for the emails, texts and feedback on the podcast. I love hearing from you and I love even more that you are enjoying what you are hearing. Today I want to talk about a topic that many of my clients experience And it’s decision making. You get a bad case of the I don’t knows. And my clients know that they can’t say “I don’t know” to me because while not always obvious, you do have an inkling. You do know. Well, my friend, trigger warning. Confusion is a choice. You may be thinking it’s not. And that it’s just happening to you. Or that’s it’s real, like you’re in a fog you can’t get out of. I am guessing you know people that are always ruminating the same decision. They continue to ask everyone around them for their opinion. Should I move? Which is better, NY or Austin? Should I stay in the job or get a new one? When you are confused and delay decision-making you think there is a right decision and that if you spend enough time thinking about the decision or if you get enough feedback from your friends and family you will figure out the right answer. As if the answer will – surprise – arrive. This is delusional thinking. It’s painfully untrue. Often the longer we sit in our dirty diaper of indecision, the harder it is to make the decision. For many people confusion and indecision are comfortable. Not like a cashmere blankie and velvet ottoman comfortable. But more comfortable than being responsible for making a decision that you’ll have to live with. You are fearful of how you think you’ll feel if you make a decision you later think was the wrong decision. Staying safe in your dirty diaper is the discomfort you know versus having to experience a whole new level of discomfort. So you dont make a decision. You stay confused about what to do. And if you are not making a decision then you surely can’t make the wrong one. Ugh. You stay in the job. You stay in indecision. You don’t create new experiences. You don’t grow. And you don’t learn how to manage your mind. Which for me is the biggest tragedy of all. Learning how to manage my mind was my key to freedom and my success. It’s the highest level of agency. Before I learned how to wrangle my brain, I thought that I could manage my confusion by waiting for a definitive sign or new information to show me what I should do. Gathering the facts is important, But realized that I was hoping the data would make me feel good about my decision. Data doesn’t make me feel good. Only my thoughts about the data can. Here’s what usually happens. When you think that a future choice may mean future drama, you are stuck in indecision because you are: trying to predict a future event Trying to predict your future thoughts about the unpredictable future event And trying to determine now how you’ll manage your mind around unpredictable thoughts. That’s a lot of predicting. Are you exhausted yet? You don’t make a decision because you think that the future decision will create a feeling that you either won’t or you wont know how to manage. This happens because you don’t realize that you can control your brain. And circumstances don’t create your feelings. Your thoughts do. It’s kinda funny. How can you possibly think of every scenario that could go wrong and think how you will predict your future thoughts and feelings? The I don’t knows or the IDK syndrome as I call it, is a sign of an unmanaged mind. You are accepting IDKs in the now, in the present. And you are believing that you will also not know how to manage your brain in the future. It’s like you are saying, I may have a thought and feeling that I don’t like, about something I can’t predict, and I won’t be able to handle it so I won’t make a decision right now. today’s uncomfortability wins against tomorrow’s uncertainty. Oof. No wonder you don’t want to make a decision. Ready for the best news ever? You get to decide to make a choice, you get to choose your thoughts, and to choose your feelings. By now, you are probably thinking, ok, Jill, how do I fix this? Get clear on what a decision is. A decision is a committed thought WITH a committed action. I love when someone says to me, “Oh I decided to leave this job last year” and then reveals that they have taken any action because they didn’t want to make the wrong decision. My friend, you didn’t make a decision. You didn’t decide anything. You had a lot of thoughts but you didn’t take any action. A decision is a committed thought and a committed action. A decision is… I am going to leave this job and make 5 networking outreaches each week. See. It’s thought and an action. Ready for my reco on how to get out of indecision Step 1) don’t allow yourself to wallow in the IDK syndrome. Ask yourself, what if I did know? Step 2) Ask better questions. And then answer your own questions. Hal Gregersen talks about this book Questions are the Answer. Example: instead of asking yourself how should I questions, which feels a bit weak, ask yourself What should I do…which comes from a place of power. And then answer the question. Instead of How can I get a new job? Ask yourself, What can I do to find a new job? Then answer yourself. See and feel the difference? Step 3) Know that you are not making a decision because you are having a thought like, I don’t know what to do. Which creates confusion. Confusion only exists until you make a decision. When you are tempted to say IDK, pause, and neutralize the thought. say to yourself “I am learning to figure this out”, or “I am going to figure out what I want to do”, or “once I decide I won’t be confused any more”. Step 4) You don’t need to have all the facts to make a decision. You don’t have to know what someone else is thinking. You get to decide right now, how you what to think and feel regardless of what someone else is doing or thinking. If your thought is, ‘I don’t know if I should wait to hear if I am the candidate for this internal promotion or just look for another job…?’ You get to decide now, that you are going to wait until the end of the quarter and if you don’t hear back by your deadline you are going to pursue other opportunities. Not from the victim-y, drama mama place, but from a place of possibility. Or if you don’t hear by your deadline you may decide that you are going to reset the timeline. But you just gave yourself the gift of decision. The gift of a managed mind. It’s freedom my friends because You are not re-questioning your decision every day (because remember, that wouldn’t be a decision, because you don’t have a committed thought or committed action). You have now freed up the mental space. You are not in decision fatigue because you have chosen that you are waiting until the end of the quarter before you begin to look elsewhere. You will now focus on the job in front of you. You’ve made a committed thought and a committed action. If the decision you want to make is around a person, and you feel confused by how they are behaving, you get to make the decision, right now, how you will respond, or what you’ll do and not be wishy washy waiting for them to make you “feel” a certain way. You don’t need to get them. You don’t need to understand them. You don’t need to know the Queen’s Gambit opening in order to know how to “play it” How’s that possible? You choose. You decided. Because no one can make you feel a certain way. Only you can. This is why people on reality shows all need coaches. Because they think someone else made them feel bad. Nope. Get a coach and manage your mind. But I digress. Step 5) There are no wrong decisions. If you don’t like the results and the feelings you’ve created, manage your mind and choose again. To recap, IDK is a thought. And we get to choose our thoughts. There may be a tiny whisper of an idea in there. If not, ask yourself better questions. Or get a coach. You don’t need to know how someone else thinks or feels in order to make your decisions. This is your career, Silly. You know how you want to feel even if you don’t know how to get there just yet. Get quiet. Get curious. Follow your curiosity. You do know. That’s what I have for you, my friends. Send your questions to Suppor@jillgriffincoaching.com I love answering them. I may even answer your question on a future episode. Until next time. |